Survival of the Friendliest: The Power of Kindness

For too long, we’ve been told that life is a competition—only the strongest survive. But what if that’s not the full story? What if, instead of ruthless individualism, our greatest strength lies in kindness, connection, and collaboration? That’s the idea behind Survival of the Friendliest - Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Humanity, a book that turns old-school survival-of-the-fittest thinking on its head. And honestly? It aligns perfectly with the philosophy of soft living.

Kindness: The Ultimate Glow-Up

Forget the myth that being tough and guarded is the key to success. Science tells us that cooperation—not competition—is what allowed humans to thrive. We’re wired for connection. When we show kindness, our brains reward us with a boost of oxytocin (hello, happiness hormone). It lowers stress, improves our well-being, and yes—makes us glow from the inside out.

Soft life isn’t just about taking it easy; it’s about making life easier for each other. It’s holding the door open, sending the sweet text, choosing compassion over cynicism. In a world that often feels cold, choosing warmth is radical self-care.

Why Being Kind is Better for You (and the World)

Living with kindness isn’t just a feel-good mantra—it’s scientifically proven to make life better. Here’s why:

• It lowers stress. Acts of kindness release feel-good chemicals that calm the nervous system. Less stress = healthier skin, better sleep, and a longer life.
• It deepens connections. We crave belonging. When we show up for others with kindness, we attract genuine, meaningful relationships that nourish us.
• It creates a ripple effect. Kindness is contagious. One small act can inspire another, setting off a chain reaction of warmth and goodwill.
• It makes the world softer. A society built on kindness is one where people feel safe, valued, and free to be themselves. And isn’t that what we all deserve?

Survival Of The Fittest In The Animal King?  Not Necessarily.

Science has shown that cooperation and friendliness are not just human traits—they are crucial for survival in the animal world, too.

• Dogs: Domesticated dogs evolved from wolves not because they were the strongest hunters, but because they were the friendliest. Early humans favored wolves that showed social bonding traits, and over generations, these animals evolved into our loyal canine companions. Their ability to read human emotions and communicate with us is a direct result of their cooperative nature. Today the domesticated dog population has far outgrown the wolf population. This is the opposite of survival of the fittest.
• Elephants: These gentle giants form deep emotional connections, mourn their dead, and protect the vulnerable members of their herd. Their strong social bonds allow them to survive in harsh environments by working together.
• Pollinators (Bees, Butterflies, and Birds): Nature itself thrives on cooperation. Bees and butterflies work symbiotically with flowers, pollinating them in exchange for nectar. This mutualistic relationship ensures the survival of entire ecosystems. Birds, too, spread seeds, fostering new plant growth and maintaining biodiversity. Their cooperative roles highlight how survival is dependent on connection and shared benefits.

How to Make Kindness Your Default

The best part? You don’t have to be a saint or a superhero to make a difference. Small, intentional acts of kindness create a softer, more connected world. Here’s how to start:

• Listen more than you speak. People want to be heard. Give them that gift.
• Lead with empathy. Assume good intentions, give grace, and choose understanding over judgment.
• Give without expecting. Whether it’s a compliment, your time, or a simple smile, generosity always comes back around.
• Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself like you would a best friend. Self-kindness radiates outward. For whatever reason we have always been taught to "tough it out" and "suck it up" rather than having compassion for ourselves while we are in emotional pain. Having compassion for ourselves allows us to heal past trauma so we can move forward. As Martha Stewart says "it's a good thing"!
• Make Human Connection A Daily Priority. Connecting with other humans on a regular basis is one of the keys to soft living and finding joy. Even if you are only running errands, make it a point to look the cashier directly in the eye when you say hello. Why not ask them how their day is going? Sure they always ask the customer, but does anyone take the time to ask them? These small human connections not only make you and your brain feel better, but theirs too!

Soft Life, But Make it Collective

A true soft life isn’t just about personal ease—it’s about making life easier for others, too. When we choose kindness, we create a world where people feel safe, valued, and free to be themselves. And that, more than anything, is the kind of beauty that lasts.

So go ahead—offer the kind word, extend the hand, share the glow. The softest life is one built on love, and there’s room for everyone in it.